Esfan , even Peterpan has to grow up sometime .
Chapter 172: Grow up PeterPan !
Esfan , even Peterpan has to grow up sometime .
Chapter 171: Standing On One Dot
Ever feel like even if you got something but you still feel like you got nothing ? Yeah , i'm feeling that way now . The fear of walking on this Earth all alone with no single being right beside me . Trust me when i say that everyone will feel this way sooner or later . At first , i thought that this is just a mind game but in the end , i realize that i do have everything but i just don't spend so much time with the people that has always been by my side and the only ones that has been by my side has always been my parents .
A simple theory;
- Friends can become enemies .
- BGR can be broken apart .
- Marriage can be divorce .
BUT the relationship in a family can never break apart .
Chapter 170: A Girl in CD Store
There was once a guy who suffered from cancer... a cancer that can't be treated. He was 18 years old and he could die anytime. All his life, he was stuck in his house being taken cared by his mother. He never went outside but he was sick of staying home and wanted to go out for once. So he asked his mother and she gave him permission.
He walked down his block and found a lot of stores. He passed a CD store and looked through the front door for a second as he walked. He stopped and went back to look into the store. He saw a young girl about his age and he knew it was love at first sight. He opened the door and walked in, not looking at anything else but her. He walked closer and closer until he was finally at the front desk where she sat.
She looked up and asked, "Can I help you?"
She smiled and he thought it was the most beautiful smile he has ever seen before and wanted to kiss her right there.
He said, "Uh... Yeah... Umm... I would like to buy a CD."
He picked one out and gave her money for it.
"Would you like me to wrap it for you?" she asked, smiling her cute smile again.
He nodded and she went to the back.
She came back with the wrapped CD and gave it to him. He took it and walked out of the store. He went home and from then on, he went to that store everyday and bought a CD, and she wrapped it for him. He took the CD home and put it in his closet. He was still too shy to ask her out and he really wanted to but he couldn't. His mother found out about this and told him to just ask her.
So the next day, he took all his courage and went to the store. He bought a CD like he did everyday and once again she went to the back of the store and came back with it wrapped. He took it and when she wasn't looking, he left his phone number on the desk and ran out...
!!!RRRRRING!!!
The mother picked up the phone and said, "Hello?"
It was the girl!!! She asked for the boy and the mother started to cry and said, "You don't know? He passed away yesterday..."
The line was quiet except for the cries of the boy's mother. Later in the day. The mother went into the boy's room because she wanted to remember him. She thought she would start by looking at his clothes. So she opened the closet. She was face to face with piles and piles and piles of unopened CDs. She was surprised to find all those CDs and she picked one up and sat down on the bed and she started to open one.
Inside, there was a CD and as she took it out of the wrapper, out fell a piece of paper. The mother picked it up and started to read it.
It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn
The mother opened another CD...
Again there was a piece of paper. It said: Hi... I think U R really cute. Do u wanna go out with me? Love, Jacelyn
Chapter 169: Roses
Red roses were her favorites, her name was also Rose.
And every year her husband sent them, tied with pretty bows.
The year he died, the roses were delivered to her door.
The card said, "Be my Valentine", like all the years before.
Each year he sent her roses, and the note would always say,
"I love you even more this year, than last year on this day.
My love for you will always grow, with every passing year."
She knew this was the last time that the roses would appear.
She thought, he ordered roses in advance before this day.
Her loving husband did not know, that he would pass away.
He always liked to do things early, way before the time.
Then, if he got too busy, everything would work out fine.
She trimmed the stems, and placed them in a very special vase.
Then, sat the vase beside the portrait of his smiling face.
She would sit for hours, in her husband's favorite chair.
While staring at his picture, and the roses sitting there.
A year went by, and it was hard to live without her mate.
With loneliness and solitude, that had become her fate.
Then, the very hour, as on Valentines before,
The doorbell rang, and there were roses, sitting by her door.
She brought the roses in, and then just looked at them in shock.
Then, went to get the telephone, to call the florist shop.
The owner answered, and she asked him, if he would explain,
Why would someone do this to her, causing her such pain?
"I know your husband passed away, more than a year ago,"
The owner said, "I knew you'd call, and you would want to know.
The flowers you received today, were paid for in advance.
Your husband always planned ahead, he left nothing to chance.
There is a standing order, that I have on file down here,
And he has paid, well in advance, you'll get them every year.
There also is another thing, that I think you should know,
He wrote a special little card...he did this years ago.
Then, should ever I find out that he's no longer here,
That's the card...that should be sent, to you the following year."
She thanked him and hung up the phone, her tears now flowing hard.
Her fingers shaking, as she slowly reached to get the card.
Inside the card, she saw that he had written her a note.
Then, as she stared in total silence, this is what he wrote...
"Hello my love, I know it's been a year since I've been gone,
I hope it hasn't been too hard for you to overcome.
I know it must be lonely, and the pain is very real.
For if it was the other way, I know how I would feel.
The love we shared made everything so beautiful in life.
I loved you more than words can say, you were the perfect wife.
You were my friend and lover, you fulfilled my every need.
I know it's only been a year, but please try not to grieve.
I want you to be happy, even when you shed your tears.
That is why the roses will be sent to you for years.
When you get these roses, think of all the happiness,
That we had together, and how both of us were blessed.
I have always loved you and I know I always will.
But, my love, you must go on, you have some living still.
Please...try to find happiness, while living out your days.
I know it is not easy, but I hope you find some ways.
The roses will come every year, and they will only stop,
When your door's not answered, when the florist stops to knock.
He will come five times that day, in case you have gone out.
But after his last visit, he will know without a doubt,
To take the roses to the place, where I've instructed him,
And place the roses where we are, together once again.
Someone who changes your life just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you that there really is an unlocked door just
waiting for you to open it
Chapter 168: 7 Million Miles Under The Soil
It's very hard to see myself break down into millions of pieces but the terrible news just came in . I'm breaking down . The fear ... the fear of being alone forever in this world . The fear begins to haunt me . I'm so terrified . Being so alone , i can never bare that punishment . Suddenly , my life feels so empty . Even though i have my bestie and my love ones right by my side , i still feel so alone . What is this space deep in my heart ? Did i choose the wrong path to move on or did i just slip and fell ? Should i dive right in into the flames of sorrow or should i fight ? I need to dig myself out to find the light that i'm yet to see .
Chapter 167: Butterfly Effect
Chapter 166: Live In The Lou
Chapter 165: Our Hearts Has Been Misguided
Wow , what i freaking day . Suddenly i feel like 'BOOM' ! The big bang . Well , i have been asking fucking questions in my fucking brain every fucking minute . By the way , pardon my French . Questions like ? Hmm ... What's my destiny ? Is my heart really have been misguided ? Bla bla bla ... Well , there's this motherfucking idea in my mind that i'm gonna throw someone inside the fucking sea at Sentosa . 'SPLASH' ! Yup , going to Sentosa with my buddies tomorrow and confirm gonna enjoy . Actually , i was planning to invite Bestie , but she wasn't online today , i guess i'll meet her another time . Maybe during our special picnic .
Strictly For Esfan and Fee Only !
Chapter 164: Face First
Chapter 163: Story
Well , that's what i really wanted to be but after walking miles along the path of life , i see that we can be whatever we want but the only that's pulling us behind is us . I know for some , life hasn't been a fairytale with "and they happily ever after" in the end but now , i'm telling you this ; this is your story . You are the author of your own story . No-one can write it for you . Not your friends , family , boyfriend or girlfriend or anyone else can write your story . This is your journey . Don't care what others think only care about life . Life is short so spend it wisely . Spend your life believing in the things you think that is right and never regret any decision that you've made . Friends , family , boyfriend or girlfriend or anyone else are only guidelines or a piece of wood to complete the broken bridge to help you get to the other side . Hold the hands of the person that you treasure the most and never let them go , not even until you pass the walls of death because their hands are the ones that pull you up . You've begin your story , how are you gonna end it ?
Chapter 162: It's Hard Isn't It ?
Well , yeah , it's hard to see the person you love the most just disappear out of our lives just like that . I've lost a lot of my dearest before and the pain never gets old . The pain of losing someone will scar us but the memories will always be there to heal it . Memories of the time you have fun , laugh , joke , hug and kiss . The person maybe physically gone but the person will always live on in our life , in our hearts .
''Love is stronger than death even though it can't stop death from happening, but no matter how hard death tries it can't separate people from love. It can't take away our memories either. In the end, life is stronger than death.”
Chapter 161: Clear
I made a promise to her that i'll always be the pillar that will support her in every way possible . I told her that if she let go of the hook , i will be there to catch her hands and hold them tightly , not letting it go . I promise her to always be in her heart and she will always be in mine . Who is she ? Well , she's my dearest bestie , Fee .
Chapter 160: I Need A Miracle
Ever since my last chat with Bestie , life hasn't been sunshine and rainbows . I really need her here . If only she could hear my cries , pleading . I know for some , she's only a bestie for my but she's really more special than any of you could imagine . She's always there for me eventhough we hadn't chatted for a long time . I do believe in miracles . Even if time hasn't permit us to talk to each other , i still believe that somehow someday , we are gonna talk once again . I confident with it .
Chapter 159: Stop Working You Motherfucking Brain !
Chapter 158: All We Need Is A Reason
Yeah , my title , it's from the lyrics 'The Antidote' and it's a very powerful phrase . Everything we did , all of them have a reason .
It's gonna be a short chapter today because my mood suddenly disappears .
Chapter 157: Verge Of Rebirth
But above all of that , life is still the best thing you'll ever get . Even if life is a cruel and nasty place , it's the only thing that releases the strong side of you , the strength to overcome every obstacle life has to offer . The strength of smiling even when you're facing your darkest problems . The strength of never giving up when you see the problem is impossible to overcome .
Well , i'm gonna be gone for three days . I'm off to Sepang to catch F1 race . Gonna hear the loud roar of the engine . Can't wait . Since i got the DSLR camera back , gonna snap awesome pictures . KL , Sepang , here i come .
Chapter 156: Your Tears Are My Tears And You Smiles Are My Smiles
Chapter 155: My Second Heartbeat
Firstly , Zul and gang , you guys rocks ! When i first enter ITE , i thought there won't be anyone that is ... so called 'like me' but when i met you guys , life suddenly began to shine . You guys have always been there to carve a smile on my face no matter if you guys noticed it or not . You guys are like my pillars that supports me in anyway possible and when the going gets tough , you guys will try to be even tougher and overcome the situation together . One thing i learn being with all you is that we are never alone . Even if we are the most emo person in this entire planet , we will never be alone . We joke together and always be together not only in this life , hopefully in the afterlife . You guys are the reason why i'm still here .
To Mady , stop worrying about what people think of you . You are the greatest friend anyone could ask for . If i pray very hard to get the greatest friend , god will surely send you . You have that cunning spirit of love and no-one can ever beat you in that . I never blame you for being a busy body in my life but i'm actually glad that you are part of my life . Like the rest , you helped me when things get hard for me and always end every conversation with a smile . You need to be happy always , eventhough the days may seem dark . Don't care what strangers think of you , we know you better .
To Aishah , you really have been a great friend to me . You are a sweet , loving , kind , caring , funny and beautiful girl . Any guys that were to have you will be call lucky . Your type of girl is like one in a million . When i think of you , i would suddenly be happy and i feel like hugging you tightly , not wanting to let go . I treasure our status because you have always been there for me (when you are not busy or asleep) . You never fail to also carve a smile on my face . Hearing your voice before i sleep will be the greatest gift of the day . At least if i never wake up the next day , i will die in peace . Your voice is just like a sweet melody that rings in my ears permanently . We made our promises and we are gonna keep it .
To My Dearest Bestie , Fee , I miss you so damn much . I really just wish you are here right now by my side helping me with my life . Among all of my friends above , you are the greatest because you know me very very well and you are the only person that can cheer me up when i'm having my deepest and darkest problems . We have been besties for almost 7 months and i know that the numbers will keep on increasing . You have always been there for me eventhough we didn't really talk to each other that much . I really want to meet you her hear your voice but time hasn't permit us . When the time comes , we will surely meet . Of all the people above , you are my loudest second heartbeat . There will always be a space reserve for in my my heart bestie . Always ...
Lastly , to Blind Bandit . Jamming this Saturday . Let's rock guys . You guys are love always .
The world ain't all sunshine and rainbows. It's a very mean and nasty place... and It don´t care how tough you are, it will beat you to your knees and keep you there permanently, if you let it. You, me or nobody, is gonna hit as hard as life. But it ain't about how hard you hit... It's about how hard you can get hit, and keep moving forward... how much you can take, and keep moving forward
Chapter 153: The Children Sing
don't take this world away from me
don't take this, don't take this world away from me
don't take this, don't take this world away
the future decides the roles we play
the struggles to sell the past away
the after thought is staring back on better days
cause our daughters and sons will live to pay
through every mistake that we have made
through every conviction we've betrayed
so let the children sing
don't take this, don't take this world away from me
don't take this world away from me
yeah
so while we contempt to waste away
the answer that only time could chase
the question we'll ask ourselves from here, to eternity
will it be worth the price to pay
to living the lives of our remains
how do you think we will explain
when the children sing
don't take this, don't take this world away from me
don't take this world away from me
can we find a way
to face today
with the eye on the things to come
cause mistakes we've made
bring on decay
and our chance to make a difference will be gone
oh
yeah
so this is the price to pay (this is the price to pay)
for living in our remains (living in our remains)
just listen as the children sing
on't take this, don't take this world away (away)
don't take this, don't take this world away from me
don't take this world away from me
Chapter 152: MIA
Happy belated birthday to me ! Thirdly , it has been quite sometime since i've chatted with fee . Really miss her and i'm wondering how she's doing . I know she'll be doing great . *Claps*
Lastly , to my~ BABY !!!!!! I love you so fucking much !!! Thanks for making my birthday the greatest and i really appreciate it a lot ! KISSES AND HUGS TO YOU !!!
P.S: To my friends , thanks for giving me the greatest birthday ever . Sorry for making it a boring day but i wanna tell you guys that i love it a lot !! Can't wait to spend time with you guys !! AV1001A , I LOVE YOU GUYS !!!
Chapter 151: I Need A Wishing Well
Chapter 150: Led By The Faith Of Tme
Chapter 149: Normal Day
Chapter 148: Terrified
Chapter 147: Singing The Deafening Lullaby
Chapter 146: Another Mile
Oh by the way , this message is for Jesslyn and Hidayah ; I'm sorry about yesterday night when we chatted . I was really moody yesterday and i needed a slow song to calm my mind . While i was at Malaysia , i was so worried about Hidayah and i started to get moody from then . Sorry .