I am grateful that I even have a life but I just need to solve it . Honestly , in my mind right now , I don't mind my life ending here now but I know there's more to life than just these problems . I'm sorry guys , you know who you are , that I shown a distracted face just now . I guess no smile will appear of my face for quite sometime now .
Chapter 174: Jealousy
Yeah , I'm jealous . Of ? Others' life they can yay here and there while I'm stuck I'm the stupid world of misery . Fuck you problems ! Yeah , I know problems come constantly but why can't I solve it constantly also ? People will say; "It will take time ," yeah , I know but what if there's no time left ? I can barely smile today . I've been going to the toilet crying my heart out , starring at empty spaces just thinking of how to overcome my situations , etc .
Chapter 173: Just A Little Hope
Surprise to see me blogging ? Well , hope you guys are . Well , since I told my love ones that I will disappear in the cyber world 'till further notice , I decided to let this particular site tell me about my life while I'm gone . Well , it's the start of a new year yesterday and what a way to start it . Keep moving forward people say but yet , I still finds myself rooted to the ground not going anywhere .
I cried every night telling myself why I have to suffer this way without my love ones knowing it . Then I thought , it's better that way . I wouldn't want them to worry but I guess they are already worried when I told them that I want to disappear . There's only one person in this world whom I dare to share my problems with and she has been my bestfriend for over a year . So I feel comfortable talking to her but there's only one tiny problem , it's over a month since I heard from her . Wondering how is she doing .
People must be wondering about my problem so I'm gonna reveal it here . My problem is that I just can't accept time has moved . I'm still rooted down to my childhood days . Summaries it all , I'm simply a guy who just don't want to grow up . The reason is simply that I fear losing the people I love the most . I pray every night that I hope my love ones will wake up the next day and see the sun rise . I imagined losing everyone I love and seeing myself living in this world alone . I know all of this is life but I guess I just can't accept the way life is . The older I get , the more things I have to leave behind , but I really don't want that . I want to live by their side telling them I love them and thank them for being by my side always but I know that's impossible .
Well , I just need to talk to her and see what advise she gives me . All I need is just a little hope .
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