Chapter 133: It Was Never Perfect , And It Will Never Be

Fresh away in the morning and looks like i'm still alive . The smell of the morning air makes my energy level increase because today is a new day and of course a new month . Life has been great so far , well , maybe i should not put it as great but good . Because if i put it as great , that means my life is perfect but my life will never be . It's not even close to perfection . It's not like i'm giving up my life , but i know that nothing in this world is perfect . So my life will never be perfect and that also goes for all of you guys . Nothing is perfect . Even if my blog seems to write everything that may seems that nothing bad happened to my life recently , but trust me , a lot of things have happened but it's just that it's not important so i didn't put it up on my blog . This is no secret or anything but this is what i need to figure it out all by myself .

But even if i'm happy with almost everything in life , but yet , there's still something missing in my life . Well , maybe it's my bestie . I miss her so much . I visited her blog every single day without fail , i can see that she's like having a great time . It has been like ages since we chatted . I just notice that she was online at one time but i didn't notice and i went offline . Shit !! Sorry bestie !! I'll wait for her to come online and we will have our bestie chat .

Lastly , to my sweet girl . I really miss you and how i wish i could hold you without letting you go . But i need to let you go because of the stupid time . I just wish i could stop time and spend an eternity with you and only you . You are the only girl in my heart and you don't have to be afraid of me falling in love with someone else . The last time i did that was only for revenge , for me to let you know how i felt when you did that to me . But now you know , i promise that i won't do it again unless it's for revenge again . I promise you that everything i'm saying now is the truth . I love you and you are the only one that is in my heart .

Chapter 132: Sitting In The Changing Elements Alone

Yesterday , i was suffering from body heat but today , i'm suffering from a cold ... again . Is my body system shutting down ? Is this my final moment ? Well , i don't think so . I'm yet to know what's my purpose in life really is . But yet , i'm still sick . It has already been more than a week since i started to fall sick . Firstly , i only got sore throat but it has gotten worst . My body is like changing it's own temperature . From hot to cold and to hot again . I am unstable . But what the hack . I don't give a shit . I will continue my life normally and hope that nothing will make it worst . I'm fighting this battle alone and it seems that i'm losing . I will never give up . Not in a million years . I hope my cries are loud enough . I hope ...

Chapter 131: Sick Of Bleeding

Finally , sitting down on my soft and comfortable chair . Went to my grandmother's house for just one night and returned home after Friday's prayers . While sleeping at my grandmother's house , my nose started to bleed and i have an uncomfortable moment and a hard time sleeping . I managed to stop it for a moment but it started back while i was taking my prayers . I felt very damn weak and feel like blacking out but i managed to keep myself together . Now i'm still feeling weak and i hope that i get well soon .

My girl went to KL and she'll be returning on Sunday . That's quite long and i will miss her so so much . I'll be waiting for her to return home safely and all my worries are gone . I love her so much . Even though she is miles away from me , she will always be in my heart and i'll keep my promises that i made with her . I love her .

Chapter 130: A Day At The Beach

2411o9 was my girl's birthday and i went to celebrate with her at the beach . We didn't do much except for playing games , eat , tell jokes , play in the water , take pictures and of course just wasting time . I wouldn't say it was a great day for her because she had problems at home that day but i tried to make it as one of the greatest birthday she ever celebrated . Well , i would say that i'm quite new with this 'celebrating my girl's birthday stuff' because i seldom celebrated my ex's birthdays . For a beginner , i should say i suck in it so i will totally understand if she didn't have the greatest birthday this year but there's always next year . We had fun though and i can't wait to see what she'll do on my birthday . *giggles*

P.S: I'm sorry if i hadn't made your birthday the greatest ever . I love you so much dear . *Kisses and Hugs*

Chapter 129: Happy Birthday

2411o9 . Happy birthday my sweet 16 years old angel . 16 years of living and a lot of things had happened right ? But it's ok dear . This if life and we need to live life the way it is . Well , like i told you , life is full of ups and downs and we need to follow with the flow and i guarantee you that everything will be what it turned out to be . Make all your wishes today and hope it will come true and be careful what you wish for . *giggle*
Even though i didn't take care of you from you were a little sweet innocent baby , i can see that you have grown . Even though we have known each other for 4 months now , i see that you've grown from a girl that complains about house chores into the greatest girl i have ever been with . I will never ever regret being with you because my life that i'm sharing with you , i'm sharing it sincerely and truthfully .Wait , correction , you are not sharing my life , you are my life . I love you dear ...
So enjoy your birthday and i'll try to make it one of the greatest birthday you have ever celebrated . Remember , never have regrets and live life the fullest . Once again , i love you .

P.S: Happy 16th birthday Bie . I Love You So Much ...

Chapter 128: Blind Bandit

21st November 2oo9 was a blast . We rock ! Thanks to practice and hard work , we manage to pull it off . The first set , we played The Antidote , Give Love A Bad Name and Trust And Stab . The second set , we played Given Up , Blow Me Away and The Blind Bandit . After our second set is done , we got a lot of compliments by almost everyone . I really didn't expect to receive that much compliments especially by Hasril . I'm happy with myself and the band . And of course , thanks to my girl , you guys can catch the video of our second set . Visit my facebook and watch like . Please drop comments . Thank you . I would also like to thank the fans and supporters . You guys are the reason that the carnival turned out to be a great day .

After the carnival we hung out in school until 3+ pm and then i and my girl headed to my place . I put down my bass and sent her home . When we reached her house , we chilled in there and spent our time with each other . I love you so much dear .

Chapter 127: The Final Moon Rise

What the fuck ?! I'm awake ! *screams*
Fuck to the core . I'm up damn early and i'm already sitting in front of the computer . A new record , i woke up around 5 am . I sure got a nice rest and all fired up for today's 4 hours of jamming . But i'm meeting Jesslyn first to head for Peninsular and get the cable for my bass . Then from there , we will walk to Beat Merchant . But if i'm not wrong , we will head for Queensway first to pick up our band t-shirt . I'll ask Jesslyn what's the plan for later . Yesterday i accidentally fell asleep but luckily my brother was there to wake me up telling me that the phone was ringing . I picked it up and i heard my girl's voice but yet , i was still tired . Hidayah told me to go to bed because i need my energy for today's jamming session . Mum and Dad gave me the money i needed for today and can't really wait .

Phew , i'm damn nervous for tomorrow's school carnival . What if i chicken out ? What if i'm too nervous to even move ? What the fuck are you saying Esfan ? You can do it . Have confidence in yourself . Yup , tomorrow is the big day . Gonna raise my level of confidence and excitement to the very top . It's time for the Blind Bandit rise . The birth of a new era .

Chapter 126: Boredom

I'm freaking bored so i decided to complain here . Everyone have their own thing to do while i'm sitting here complaining to myself and visiting other people's blog . I have done everything i want to do like editing my blog , play games in facebook and listening to songs but yet , i dying here . By the way , i'm listening to my old malay songs these days . I have no idea why i'm doing that but it feels like i'm returning back to the old Esfan in his secondary one and two years . Well , i really miss the good old days but i'm gonna stick with metal . Let today will be my last day listening to my old songs to entertain me even though it doesn't even help one bit . Well , it's okay . No-one knows i'm dying here anyway . Ohya , Fee is like finally return but yet , i can't talk to her in any way but it's okay . But the main point is that , i'm dying here . Well , peace out . Haisss ....

Chapter 125: Idiotic Human Race

Is there any explanation to why people=shit ? Give me an answer somebody . No-one ... Humans are guilty for making our Planet Earth a living hell . Do not blame on 'The End Is Near' . It's all our fault . We fucking humans . We harm our own planet and the other species that shared this planet with us for generations . We are harming everything in this world for our own good . We may realize that we are harming the planet but did we do anything to stop it ? No . People don't give a fuck . This world need other species to keep balance and make this world a peaceful and a heavenly place to live in . We hunt down endangered animals for wealth , cut down trees for wood and burn crude oil for our everyday life . Tell me why must we need all of this . People will say it's for our own survival but explain to me this ; how did our forefathers survive without this items ? Are you telling me that we are the weaker generations of our human race ? If we are , shouldn't we work hard and try to reach our forefather's level ? Humans were given a brain to think but they use it in a wrong way . Frankly , i'm not proud to be a human but god made me this way so i need to accept it . We humans are the only species that can save this planet and yet , we are the ones who are destroying it .

Chapter 124: Let's Jam

It is so fucking wicked . We are going all out to get ready for November 21st . We're gonna blow people's mind out with our high voltage rock . Head bang like nobody's business and jump around like motherfucking idiots . Yesterday , we jam from 8-9.30 pm . It was short but that was one of the greatest jamming session . There was a part in the song 'The Blind Bandit' where i played alone and i got a compliment from our band manager . Jesslyn said that it's time for me to show Has what i can do . The greatest compliments i ever gotten . That raise my level of confidence to the next level . Today we are jamming for 2 hours , from 4-6 pm . It's in the afternoon and that's when my energy is at its highest . Let's Rock !

Chapter 123: Pleading Guilty

Well , i just did something bad in my life that i will so regret it forever . I don't know how to face her when she found out about this . I just committed a crime that i really need to do . It's for the best for my and my girl . I don't know what will i get in return . Well , here it goes . It stole something very important and priceless . I stole ... MY GIRL'S HEART !

What the fuck ! I' damn happy that i got to be back with the one and only and this time , i'm gonna take care of her heart ten times more . I'm gonna make sure that there's no third person interrupting our relationship this time and i'm gonna help her fight off any problem that she encountered . I'm not gonna let my girl suffer . I gonna make sure that she live a happy life . I promise .

Chapter 122: Two Of The Greatest Person In My Life

This whole week , something happened . I've gain someone but i also lost another someone . The mixture of feelings are entering me once more . I'm happy yet sad . Smiling yet crying . I've gain the person that i love and i've lost her once but she somehow came back to me . No matter how hard we tried to run away from each other , we will end up meeting at the same location . I'm back with her and i love her so much ! I promise , i won't repeat the same mistake that i made in the past . I will hold your hands till the end of times and hug you tightly till my body turns into ashes . I will be by you side with nothing separating us . We will fight of every problems together and i know we will succeed . You will always be in my heart as the most important person in my life . I love you ...

But also , i lost someone that is also special to me . I used to have feelings for her but i dare not tell her . She is not only a friend to me but also the greatest friends anyone could ask for . She knows each of my problems and help me to guide the way to find the perfect solution and she helped me up when i'm lying face down on the floor . I regretted not telling her how i feel about her in the past . She will be remembered by me always and there's always a place for her in my heart . Even i won't be able to talk to her anymore , i won't ever forget about her .

Chapter 121: The Final Five Seconds

It's near . I can taste the air and the motherfucking Epiphone bass will soon be in my hands . 21st November will be a hit and we're gonna perform our best . We have challenges but the only purpose we're there is to just perform . Gonna head bang like nobody's business and i'm damn sure we're gonna have fun . I'll be bringing Effa if she could come along . I just hope she could come . But my main consideration is mastering The Blind Bandit and Trust And Stab . They are the most critical songs . Counting down to that special moment .

Chapter 120: Hardcore Is The Cure

The holidays experiences are just stunning . A critical impact point has just set in and i need to let it out somehow . Tons of suffering has been experienced and some are yet to be solve . From my point of view , my life has been normal . Yeah , that's the word to use . The only things can cheer me up are **** , My friends , Metal and the addiction to head banging . I get little of sleep and have a weak body . I get tired easily and if i try to sleep , i ended up waking up .

I've been listening to some great metal bands and they are really an inspiration to me . Been practicing on song covers lately but not The Blind Bandit and Trust And Stab . I can only play when the whole band is there . This is something i can't easily change . We are together as a unit just like a pack of wolves going hunting . We strike hard . Talked to my parents and they are willing to give me the $115 for the Epiphone Bass and got news that i could start work already . Get started and get the pay and buy the effect . In rock we trust .

\m/

Chapter 119: Bla Bla Bla

Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla .

Bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla bla .

Fuck , what fucking language am i speaking ? Maybe it's Furion . An alien species that lived among us for generations . Fuck , what the hell am i saying ? Get yourself together Esfan . I'm so weird because i'm happy . Happy why ? Well , simply because of **** . Shared ! Share what ? It's my fucking business . Mind your own business okay ? Happy happy happy ! Well , this is a fucking insane weird post i have ever written . I feel insane !!

I know that i will have happier times and i know it's from ... Opps , not gonna slip my words out . Happy !!! Happy !!! Happy !!!

I'm Freaking Happy !!!

Chapter 118: Blur Blog

I don't know if this is a great news or not but Hidayah has made her decision whether we would continue our relationship and the answer is yes . At first i sounded happy but why am i not feeling as happy as i should be ? Is this a twist of destiny or a game that played by god to test my emotions but whatever it is , i know that everything will change . I feel like screaming out loud to release this weird feeling inside of me and i miss my bestie a lot . Two days straight i didn't chat with her . Wondering how she is but it's ok , i know that we will chat soon enough .

Chapter 117: Great Yet Good

Well , smiles appeared on my face today because i can say have a good day . Many great things happen in just one day but there's also a number of bad moments . Well , but overall , i can just say that it's an okay day .

Let's start with the good things that happened today . well , firstly , i met Hidayah to give her back the stuff that she gave me and it felt so hard to let her go . It took me the whole night to think if i should let her go or not . It's hard to see someone you love the most disappear from your life . Hidayah is not only a girl , she's a special girl which thought me the true meaning of love . When i met her , we were suppose to be ex's but everything change when she began to cry in front of me . Now i know that she still loves me . When she cried , i pulled her towards me so that she could rest on my shoulder while she tried to stop crying . I hugged her tightly . I wiped her tears and told her to relax . I gave her until the 10th of November to decide if she should let me go or not . We exchanges kisses and she was the first one to make her move . Is there a meaning to all of this ? I know that i won't lie to my feelings . I know that i'm still in love with her .

The second thing is that after i met Hidayah , i went to Shidiq's house to have session but in the end , we created a lyric for our original . The melody sound super great and i can't wait to play that song during jamming . Gonna put that lyric to the test . Jesslyn couldn't make it because she have a war to fight at home . World War 4 but i'm still wondering when World War 3 happened .

To My Dearest Bestie :

Sorry i cannot chat with you today . I really miss you so much and i really can't wait for our special picnic together . It's okay , you don't need to apologize because you did nothing wrong but just keep my number just in case you want someone to talk to . I'll always be there for you bestie . By the way , i read your blog and i really hope that you will heal from all your illness and i really hope that you'll get well soon . I wouldn't want to see my bestie suffer . As soon as we're online , i'll chat with you . Take care of yourself bestie .

Chapter 116: Maybe , It's Not Fate

Well , everything has official ended . I felt sad of course losing the girl i love the most but there's nothing i can do . This is the path that she had taken . I just hope she took the correct path . As she walked her own path , i also have to do the same . Now i have to choose where to go and hope that's the correct path .

I told her not to have any regrets with her decision . I need her to be happy even if i'm not there by her side . She has been taken care by me for the past 3 months and now she has take care of herself . I've seen her grew from a girl to become one of my greatest ex's . I know from the start that i cannot be with her forever but when the news appeared , it just hurt me . Is the feeling of losing someone really special ?

Maybe from the start , this was suppose to happen . What goes around comes around . Now i know i don't control my own destiny . I dare not be her friend because i'm afraid that she'll be hurt by me even if we were friends . I treat my ex's differently after a break up and i dare not see her getting hurt . Even if the distant future is bleak for me , i will always remember her and the times we share together . I will never forget .

Chapter 115: I'm Not Mature . So ?

The joke of the week . I'm not mature . Fuck this shit . She want to ditch me just because i'm young . No , not younger then her . I'm the same age as her . I'm young at heart and if she has a fucking problem with that , so ? I don't give a fuck . Come on , i bet there's better girls out there then her . I don't feel regret being with her because i know that everyone makes mistake . I don't consider this a mistake , i just wish the story didn't end this way but i'm still in love with the person who helped me write it . Maybe once a whore will always be a whore . But i don't give a fuck . Hope you enjoy your life with that fucking 20 years old gigolo . I'm not matured , so ? I don't give a fuck .