Chapter 86: What's Wrong With Me ?!
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with me . I'm changing into something the mirror doesn't recognize . It has taken over me . And i don't want to be set free . What the fuck ! Acting desperate . Mwahaha ! I'm addicted ! All the shredding, blasting, head banging and fucking break downs . I'm so bored at home now and i miss Nissa so much . And one problem has occurred , my fucking HP is spoil ! Everything i touch spoil . How to contact people i don't know . I want to send it for repair but i lost the god damn warranty card . I haven't told my mum yet but i will soon . A new era will begin soon . A few months from now ..
Chapter 85: Whole Day Out
Fuck ! I'm exhausted . Went home around 5.30am because i went to Malaysia . Slept and woke up at 8am and got a fight with my stupid asshole younger brother . He true a fucking chair at me and hit my shoulder . Now, it feels like it's dislocated . Luckily i'm fasting , if i wasn't he would be in the hospital . Then went back to sleep and woke up around 2pm . Now i'm rotting at home in front of the computer . Miss Nissa suddenly and i wish she's here right beside me so that i can give her a hug . Because i really need a hug right now ...
Chapter 83: What The Fuck !
Awesome ! Slipknot mtv world stage last night was super duper freaking mother fucking awesome . Surfacing ! Dead Memories ! All of them are freaking awesome . The fans was the wildest that i have ever seen and Slipknot really know how to make a show . I love People = Shit ! And their song Heretic Anthem . If you 555 and I'm 666 !! Freaking cool ! And the rain will kill us all . I'm speechless ..
Chapter 82: Nightmare Or Dream ?
Still cannot forget about last night . I dream something that half of me hope happens and half me that hope that it will not happen . C'mon Esfan , get your head in the game . The dream was so shocking until i can't forget about it . The worst of all , i dream about someone that i don't even want to remember . The past came back to haunt me and i can't even do a god damn thing to prevent it . Dreams may come true but this time , i hope it won't .
Chapter 81: First Week
Well, i haven't wrote anything in here for quite sometime now . Busy with somethings and sometimes lazy . Well, first thing is that on the first and second day of fasting, i got hockey . The feeling of weakness and tiredness feels my body . The first day of fasting was ok , because our game was minutes after we break fast but on the second day was a different story , our game was around 6pm and it ended minutes after we break fast . For around one hour plus, we played the game without both food and water . Well, nothing interesting happened so far but i hope something will . And i starting to miss Nissa a lot . And another bad feeling now is trying over me now and the feeling is what i had felt before . I hope it'll go away .
Chapter 80: Not Long From Now
Phew .. Nervous, tired , sleepy and whole bunch of feelings are locked inside of me .. 'N's is like only one week away ! What The Fuck ! It's sooo damn fast ! I don't know if i'm ready or not .. Nervous, nervous and nervous . Today is also the first day of fasting and i'm like can't wait for Hari Raya . As soon Hari Raya comes, so as my 'N's and the end of my secondary life . Everything happens too fast and i am not prepared for most of the stuff . But when my 'N's is very near, i'm going all out . Gonna forget about everything that aren't related with my studies and go all out . The end is near and so as a new begining .
Chapter 79: Not Wanting To Let Her Go
Finally !! End of prelims !! But i'm not yet out for the fire .. There's another challenge that still stands in front of me .. My 'N' levels is in two weeks time and i'm so damn nervous .. Plus today is my 3 months aniversary with Nissa .. So damn happy and today, no-one or nothing can chase away my happineess .. Haha .. Well, now, i'm not aiming for months or years anymore .. I want to spend the rest of my life with her .. Without her, my life will be empty .. She has always been the girl that supports me, make me smile, and comfort me when i'm feeling down .. I want to hold her hands and not to let her go .. I love her so much !!
Chapter 78: Kings Of Kings
Need to replace this chapter . Well , i learn something new while reading this awesome article on the internet . The demon slays the devil but the angel will rule over darkness . I have no freaking idea what it meant but it looks cool . Well, swords will cut through skin but it can never cut through spirit .
Chapter 77: Last Week Of Prelims
What the fuck ? Prelims is ending and 'N' levels are just around the corners . After my exam, gonna find a job to earn some cash . But let's not talk about after the exam . So far , school is damn stressful . Had my maths paper 1 and my english paper 2 . I think i did ok for both . Have no confidence of passing it but hope i do . Just can't wait for my 'N's to come . Gonna do with my overall confidence and hope get good marks to take me into a good course in ITE . I'm damn nervous now .
Chapter 76: I Want Her Back
Where is she ? Where have she gone ? She still looks like Nissa but it's not her . She is a different person now . She have problems . So i understand . But even when i got problems, i am still myself but she's isn't me . She's trying to hide her feelings but truthfully, she's not doing a great job . I just want her back . I want my hunny back .
Chapter 75: My First Step
Home already ? Well , I am sure early today . Today , i had my English Paper 1 and my Social Studies exam . English is ok but what i'm afraid of i my Social Studies . For the first time, i found that the Source Base Question is easy but i didn't do the Short Essay Question . Tomorrow , i had my Mother Tongue Paper 1 & 2 . Hope i will do well .
Chapter 74: Guilty Mother Fuckers !
Haha ! A great day yesterday .. I can't believe they fall for it .. I'm just doing to check if they are guilty or not and the answer is so god damn obvious .. Fucking guilty bustards ! Haha .. Jess helped me out and really can't do it without her .. I planned one step ahead so that they won't even suceed with their plan .. They even tried to trick me using my cousin but that didn't even work .. I like said, i've planned my move day by they .. I lied to them telling them that i broke up with Nissa and they really fall for it .. Haha .. I know that they were guilty because they wanted to get Nissa back to me but actually, we didn't even broke up .. Well guys, i still haven't forgive you because i don't want to .. Still waiting for the LTD bass ..
Then they said that friendship isn't money .. Well i agree totally but the money isn't for friendship .. It's for the trust and also because you guys humiliate me and this is just a part of my revenge .. When i chatted with them, i appeared angry until they say i can't control my anger but i was really laughing when i chatted with them .. Jess was watching by the sidelines and she's also laughing because she know all of this was a act to let out the truth .. It worked perfectly ..
There was also one part when Wan was so "matured" , as if .. And i called him 'Fucking crybaby emo shit !' .. That was when i'm very fed up with his fucking attitude .. And i said 'We almost three months and you all do this to me' and they have no comments and that is when i really know that they are mother fucking guilty bastards .. Well it's still not enough of a revenge and i'll be planning more .. Ohya, one last thing, GUILTY MOTHER FUCKERS !!!
Chapter 73: It's Ain't Over
I'm still fucked up with Friday incident . Still can't forget . Maybe i can't forget because i need revenge . Revenge is sweet but animals deserve to live . Planning my move as days went by and i hope it all work . If god is good, you might be angry with me but if anything elses , just hope you got enough money in your bank account .
On Saturday, i played soccer at SP and we won . We were great i can say but there's still room for improvement . I'll train very hard and hope i'll be better . Even though i had a rough day the day before, i have my friends to cheer me up . Thanks guys !
On Sunday, it's National Day. Singapore is 44 years old but who cares . I know i don't care . Went to Marina Square to check out the beautiful display of fireworks with Nissa, her senior, Hilmi, Udin, Zal and his girl . Had a great day and a sweet one to . Nissa finally saw my true colours but she accepted me for who i am . No-one ever accepted me but she does . That means a lot to me
Finally today, woke up around 7+ and went to Jurong Fico to play soccer with some old timers . Had a great and funny match and i wasn't forming as a goal keeper today . But still, we had a great time . Then went to Clementi to eat our breakfast . I went home after that .
It's Ain't Over !
Chapter 72: Broken Wall
I am so fucking angry ! You guys have fucking humilate me and all you can say is sorry ! That's not enough , it never is ! You guys lost my trust ! You guys don't deserve to call me your friends ! Friends know their limit and your limit is so over ! I am lucky to have a girl that is so understanding . Now i know why no-one love you guys because you guys are just fucking animals ! Untamed animals ! You guys have no heart, brain and feelings ! All you guys have is you fucking pride and you only care for yourself ! The only person i forgive is Jesslyn because she has her own limit . Now i know what Shidiq said to me just now before the match was true . If you guys want my trust back, buy me a fucking LTD bass . If not, just stay the fuck away from me !
Chapter 71: Feel The Impact
Well, awesome day today .. Tiring of course because i got PE today and well played dodgeball .. It's cool and we had a lot of fun .. Class was boring and i was trying to stay awake but i can't .. My form teacher made me stay awake .. Didn't pay attention in class and i'm like stress up with my damn Ns .. I was planning to give up on my DNT cause i can't even pass it .. Now i need to work super hard on my other subjects .. Looks like i'm going to ITE after all .. But if i go to ITE, i'm planning to take up the course i want in poly .. Then i work super hard and go to poly .. A random decision made by me and i hope that the path i'm walking on now is the right path .. I know that whatever i'll face in the future will be hard but with faith, i know i can face it .. There's not a problem in the world that doesn't have a solution .. I'm fighting this war alone .. Metal can't help this time .. Looks like i'm all alone ..
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